OK, so it isnt exactly Monday, but I cant sleep and never have times on Monday to get on the computer anymore. So I figured the "kids" friends wont even know what day of the week it is anyway, right?
Max is still coasting along day by day. When people ask how he is doing, I always hesistate. What do they want to hear? Our common answer... "He is fine"? But inside I am screaming, "He is NOT fine! My baby boy is dying and I dont know each day how much longer I have!". No, I dont want to throw that at someone everytime they ask the question. So the common is response is "He seems ok for the time being". Then I get the sad nod.
This weekend I attended a Pet Loss Bereavement Class. I want to face head on what is coming and be prepared for what I will be facing. While discussing the many emotions of Expected Loss, one of the things they mentioned was Spontaneous Remission, which I recognized myself going through this past week.
During his early morning walks, Max seems to become more alert and his walk seems to get better. Oh, he still has a bit of a limp, but he takes longer strides and is eager to sniff everything he can drag me too. Yes, he still is strong enough to pull me if he wants to go in a different direction, or isnt done sniffing when I try to walk away. During those moments I can actually forget there is a cancer eating away his bone. This is what they call Spontaneous Remission. We think the dog is better or getting better. This is when I need to remember, it is most likely all the smells and change in enviorment that has uped his adrenaline enough to ignore the pain and explore as he likes.
Understanding this is going to help me to continue to be careful on his walks, and to not take him on "longer" walks, as I attempted on Friday. He did well on the walk, however, I could see how exhausted he was when we returned. He didnt even have the energy to go to his water bowl, I had to bring the water to him. He has been starting to eat a little less each day, sometimes barely touching his food. I was hoping it was due to heat, but that may just be a hope. Yesterday I pulled out a can of dog food, which we NEVER feed them, and both of them almost tackled me to get to it. I was able to put just a few teaspoons into his dry food and he licked his bowl clean. It seemed to wake up his hunger as he then went sniffing for more food. And he finished off his evening meal with no problem.
This brings us to a new question. How far do we go to get him to eat? If he doesnt want to get up to eat, do I bring it to him? Do I spoon feed him? I dont know. I am just facing each question as it comes. Our final answer will be the day he doesnt want to get up at all. Not even with the walking leash dangling in front of his face. That will be my baby boy telling me, "I am ready to go home".
Im sorry for the depressive state of this posting. Please forgive me for causing the Kleenex to appear. However, on this note, I also want to thank everyone who has read and posted on our blog, for all the support and encouragment and nice words. The class I attended this weekend, was back to back with a Pet Loss Support Group, which I stayed for. It was nice to have an enviroment to speak the words outloud that I am sharing on this blog and it was an honor to share with the group, what a fantastic community of pet lovers we have from these blogs. A human hug is the best, but hug comments do wonders just as good!
So to end this on a better note, I am now going out to hug and love on my babies. And hey... the sun is starting to pop it's head up, so I think I will also grab a leash and get all of us some fresh air and sniffies! Here is to a better week!
Love Sasha (The Princess) & Max (The Dude)'s Mom!